Tag: behavioral change

Strengthening Our Mental Toughness to Achieve Real Change: Person celebrating their success

For most of us, change is hard. It’s not lack of commitment or desire that gets in the way, nor lack of goals and ideas for improvement. How many times do we give up before we even try because we are afraid to fail? Or we might consider the odds of succeeding too low to give it our best, to test our own limits and explore our abilities. This self-sabotage thinking (driven by our inner critic) often limits us from unleashing our full potential and making change happen. Why does this happen? There are many reasons. However, our level of “grit” (or mental toughness) is a key component to our success in sticking to a plan and pursuing a long-term goal we feel passionate about. Strengthening our mental toughness is an essential piece of achieving real change.
Unfortunately, there are no shortcuts to success. It takes a lot of effort and courage to excel at something we want to change. Most of the time, we are not ready to pay the price. We focus on the result and we underestimate the process: the time, energy, passion, and self-determination it takes to get us there.
Psychologist, Angela Duckworth, defines grit as our “passion and perseverance for long-term goals,” and claims it is a predictor of outstanding achievement. It’s “having a goal you care about so much that it organizes and gives meaning to almost everything you do.”
 

“Outer changes always begin with an inner change of attitude” – Albert Einstein

Grit in the workplace

In the workplace, grit plays a critical role in successful leadership and extraordinary performance. Organizations desperately need leaders who can create a shared vision with passion and conviction and enlist others to relentlessly pursue the future.  However, the challenge to develop grit is even higher. As leaders, we often tend to jump from existing multiple projects to new promising ideas. We can lose focus and give up easily in the face of setbacks, prioritizing immediate results. Managing the discomfort of uncertainty in our culture of immediacy and impatience can be hard for leaders.
The good news is grit is not a fixed trait. We can train ourselves to grow our essential abilities and skills, and that includes our level of mental toughness. How? By putting grit into practice.

1. Focus on one improvement goal that you feel passionately about

“Would you tell me, please, which way I ought to go from here?”
“If you don’t know where you’re going, any road’ll take you there.”
– from Alice in wonderland, dialogue between Alice and the Cheshire Cat

We need to have a clear goal and direction that is compelling enough to drive our behavior and efforts. It must be a goal that is worth pursuing, even when we fail at it.

2. Choose an ability/skill you would like to grow that generates positive change in your life and self-development

Be realistic when setting a timeframe for improvement. Do not set yourself up for failure before even starting the journey. Here are some questions you can ask to create a vision and provide direction for yourself.
Strengthening Our Mental Toughness to Achieve Real Change: Person celebrating their success

  • What do you feel passionate about and would like to become better at?
  • What would make you feel more connected to yourself and significantly improve your well-being?
  • What have you been trying to learn for years and have failed at repeatedly?

3. Shift your perspective

Commit 100%, to your improvement goal. Make it your own personal project. Do research to learn from “gritty” people who have walked the same path. Reflect on what could work for you.

4. Break your improvement goal into key-stone habits

An improvement goal can be overwhelming. However, if we introduce small changes to our daily routine, test what works best and adjust accordingly, we will discover a set of daily practices that work for us and that we can commit to.

5. Value your progress in time

Take time to reflect on your own evolution. Don’t take it for granted. Progress takes grit! Indulge yourself with a self-celebration. Ask for feedback from your circle of trust on your improvement. A journaling practice can help you reflect on your learnings and growth.

6. Be compassionate with yourself in the face of setbacks

Setbacks are part of the game. They test our level of resilience and emotional intelligence. Be kind to yourself and expect them. Focus on your gains, results will come your way.

 7. Don’t wish for it, work for it

Keep practicing! Take action. Re-commit to your improvement goal every day. Visualize yourself fulfilling your goal and choose a set of powerful motivational mantras that can help increase your energy level and focus.

Conclusion

Our mental toughness is the inner force we need that drives us towards our goal. It gives us the energy needed to try harder, despite our failed attempts. Grit and resilience (our ability to withstand adversity and bounce back) walk hand in hand and are key to our development.
People who develop a strong level of grit are always seeking to improve and remain connected and enthusiastic about what they do. It does not guarantee success, but it can set you on the right path.
 
CANCEL procrastination: Start today!!! You can test your current level of Grit here.

Creating Real Connection in Virtual Meetings: woman at her computer

There are a lot of articles out there aimed at helping us navigate the “new normal” of working from home and the challenges that come with it. However, most of these articles seem to focus solely on the technicalities of managing this new situation. How do you keep a schedule and maintain a routine? How can you make sure you have a comfortable workspace at home?  There seems to be very little out there about creating real connection in virtual meetings. And that might be the thing we are missing the most about in-person workplaces.
It can be easy to think that having an effective meeting relies simply on a strong agenda or a timekeeper. However, it is the more subtle relationship interactions that help foster strong team dynamic, collaboration and performance.
Creating Real Connection in Virtual Meetings: woman at her computer
 

Creating Real Connection in Virtual Meetings

How do you begin your meetings? Do you check in first, or do you jump right in? If you jump right in, then how do you know everyone is aligned with the purpose of the meeting and fully present? Could it be that some people are distracted from other meetings or with other concerns? How do you ensure everyone can fully contribute?
Given that we are working virtually, it can be easy to miss the physical cues you may otherwise perceive if you were sitting in a meeting room or would have gathered from the few minutes prior to the meeting starting. It can be easier to misinterpret situations in a virtual context than when you have all the data of an in-person interaction.
 

Checking in with the Three C’s

Beginning each meeting with a check-in allows you and your colleagues to become fully present and openly share intentions and concerns for the meeting. The questions shared below are an ideal way to ensure you capture connection and context, not just the content (or agenda) of the meeting.

  1. How do I feel arriving at this meeting?  (Connection) Take the time to connect on a personal level before moving on to the next question. As team members are juggling many different challenges, this is an opportunity to foster connection and understanding within the team.
  2. What circumstances make this meeting relevant and important to me and the team?  (Context)
  3. What results do I hope to obtain by the end of the meeting? Why are these results important?  (Content)
  4. Do I have any concerns that will prevent me from being “present” in the meeting?  (Context)

A modified set of questions can be used to “check-out” upon closing the meeting, so that all participants feel heard. It provides a space for each person to express how they felt about the outcomes of the meeting and share any concerns or issues that may not have been addressed. This concludes the current meeting and sets up future meetings with a strength of connection helping to build a strong team culture.
In addition, it is important, particularly in a virtual context, to continue to check in with participants during the meeting inviting them back in to contribute and be active.  Again, as you are not privy to the usual non-verbal cues, you may miss a person disengaging or becoming discontent.
 

Conclusion

There are many challenges to remote working, but as many companies continue to work in this way and consider a blended approach going forward, issues such as collaboration and team connection become even more important. Fostering connectivity and making sure all voices are heard is an important way to support your team as they navigate this new way of working.
 
If you would like to know more about how Axialent can support your team with a free check in exercise, please click here.

Since COVID-19 became a daily part of our lives, we’ve become increasingly accustomed to finding new ways of virtually doing what we once did in person. We’re working out with personal trainers via WhatsApp. We’re having a happy hour drink with friends over Zoom. Some are even practicing music with their band using Teams. Many of us have also been forced into remote working situations. Yet, we’re finding that our virtual experiences are not what we expected. We came into this situation with a lot of preconceived notions about what it meant to connect virtually, but our experiences have shown us something else. As we navigate the many changes in our daily life, we have started letting go of prejudices around virtual experiences.

For many of us, it was impossible to imagine doing these things online. Maybe we knew we could do them, but why would we? Some people prefer the human connection of a face to face meeting over a virtual experience. But has the change to virtual been as challenging as you thought it would be? When we were able to do all the things we loved in person, other things often got in the way. Scheduling conflicts, kids, distance and other factors often prevented us from following through.

Letting Go of Prejudices Around Virtual Experiences: Two hands reaching out to touch across a divide

Letting go of prejudices around virtual experiences in the corporate world

Prejudices around the possibilities and constraints of virtual work are commonly accepted myths in the corporate world. Yet, what I have heard from my clients in the past 3 months tells a different story:

  • “This was far more effective than I expected.”
  • “I’ve found I work more than before.”
  • “We have more productive meetings.”
  • “I never imagined we could have such dynamic and participatory learning in a webinar.”

And this feedback came from clients that unenthusiastically and with resignation accepted remote work and other virtual experiences. These reactions show that many times these experiences have exceeded previous expectations.

We could take these testimonies as indications that overall effectiveness of the virtual experience was perceived higher than previously assumed. But, what about the human connection? What about that “chemical” bond that many believe only takes place when you are face to face with others? Often, we think that working in the same physical space, face to face is essential to really support teamwork, empathy, collaboration, solidarity, and mutual commitment.

However, in  different work meetings I’ve attended in the last 3 months I’ve seen:

  • A young plant manager holding his 2 -month old baby in a regional LT meeting, while his wife took care of their 3-year-old, behind him;
  • A lovely pet cat jumping on a colleague’s desk and staring at the webcam like a new participant to the meeting;
  • A manager walking through her home in search of a quieter room, away from her husband and kids, while keeping an active virtual conversation with us;
  • A colleague’s 3-year-old getting closer to mum while she led our meeting, and waving to us in a sweet “hello” posture;
  • A shared virtual breakfast where a group of consultants and the client’s Leadership Team created a collective ice breaker space before starting a formal webinar.

In situations like these, we were able to see into each person’s intimate world. No one seemed uncomfortable with the situation: neither the observers nor the observed. We’ve gotten used to it, given that most of us are working from home in similar conditions. This new and unprecedented openness to let our intimacy be visible to others has brought a new dose of humanity to our gatherings. This is something that was also unexpected. It has become natural to invest 15 seconds in greeting the waving child or to laugh at the cat staring at the webcam. We connect as we make jokes about the barking dogs or to refer to the “picture on the wall behind you.”

Human connection on the virtual level

Seeing my client or colleague’s personal environment helps me connect with him or her on a deeper level. Even in the past, when we worked together physically, that didn’t necessarily mean that human connection was guaranteed. We all wear social masks, deliberate or unconscious. Human connection is a complex phenomenon that isn’t necessarily improved by physical proximity alone.

We always have the freedom to consciously nurture human connection in our virtual meetings. We can make it an explicit goal. At Axialent, a company that has worked remotely from the beginning, we have increased our “check in calls” during this challenging time. We meet with an open agenda to freely reflect on how we’re feeling about the lockdown. We share what we’re doing in and out of work. We’ve run the same exercise with clients, just for the sake of human connection. We’ve experienced how much deeper our bonds become as a consequence.

Perhaps you previously felt reluctant or untrusting of technology’s human potential. You may have been subscribing to the common-place belief, “virtual is not the same as being there in person; you can’t replace physical presence.” I’m inviting you to suspend these assumptions and keep your open heart available to experience human connection supported by technology. Maybe you’ll get more than you expected, and discover that, humanly speaking, it can be not only virtual, but virtuous!

If you’re interested in learning how Axialent can support your team with a free virtual “check-in” exercise, click below to schedule a meeting.

The “Right Culture” to Have in a Crisis: Two men collaborating at work

There is no doubt that current events are affecting business more than you ever thought possible. A lot is changing. Supply chains are shifting and customers are reevaluating their choices. Stakeholders are more present and products and services are rapidly becoming obsolete, and so on.  Have you considered how it has been affecting your organization’s culture? While our focus may be on other things, we still need to consider how we, as leaders, can drive positive culture change in this turbulent environment. What is the “right culture” to have in a crisis?
Culture is a set of learned beliefs, values, and behaviors that become the way of life in an organization. It results from the messages that are received about “what is really valued around here”. The sources of these cultural messages come from the behaviors, symbols, and systems within an organization. Current events have impacted all three of these pillars. Systems are being stretched to adapt to new realities. People’s behaviors are testing new paradigms and redefining the whole person concept. Symbols are shifting due to the new ways in which people are communicating and relating to each other.
A Culture Amp survey[1] (published in Forbes) tried to better understand organizational culture in the context of current events. It was originally done to address the effect of the global pandemic, though it could also be applied to the racial equity conversations happening right now. One of the survey’s key findings was (no surprise!): “Companies with a strong culture are much more resilient in times of crisis… Organizations that already have experience flexing this muscle are more likely to have confidence in their leadership, feel safer, and be more comfortable about their company’s plan to return to work”. The survey findings highlight the need for effective communication practices and the importance of staying connected.
The “Right Culture” to Have in a Crisis: Two men collaborating at work

What is the right culture to have in a crisis?

The empirical evidence is strong. The “right culture” to have in a crisis is one that will hold strong through the most difficult of times. Let me share a couple of examples of how effective communication and staying connected can help an organization achieve this kind of culture.
A large So. Cal. player in the technology field was going through internal turmoil in the aftermath of a change in leadership and direction. The new CEO had been challenging the existing organizational culture and was seen as cold, hard, and inflexible. COVID-19 unexpectedly changed the conversation. The CEO had the opportunity to show his/her personal, vulnerable side as the leadership team was “allowed” into the CEO’s home (a working from home phenomenon). This seems to have changed the narrative and the organization is seeing a positive change in engagement and identity. The CEO is now working on ensuring that the organization does not lose what it gained as the situation evolves.
The growing consciousness and conversations around racial inequities were heavily impacting another large company in the retail business. They immediately implemented several support mechanisms for their employees (internal). They also planned to aggressively organize their ongoing response and local outreach efforts (external). Through the process of connecting with their employees, they heard many eye-opening stories, including one from an African American single mother who said she couldn’t work late or night shifts because she was afraid to leave her teenage son alone to travel the streets at night. Her fear had to do as much with gang-related violence as with law enforcement-related actions.
The impact on culture is not just limited to the corporate world. Consider this recent headline (AP News, May 19, 2020): “Pandemic will alter Communion rituals for many US Christians”. Without a doubt, similar conversations are happening at all faith-based communities and organizations around the world. Rituals such as Communion, Gospel Choirs, Yom Kippur, Hajj, Darshan, and others, are highly symbolic of each faith’s teachings and practices.  Yet, they may need to change in this new world, and this could have a profound impact on each of these communities of faith’s culture and their ability to ensure the sustainability of their vision.

Navigating an I*VUCA world

These, and many more anecdotes from the frontlines, show that we need to address the organization’s “I*VUCA”.  VUCA is an acronym that describes the Volatility, Uncertainty, Complexity and Ambiguity of general conditions and situations.  It is often used in strategy discussions to describe the external environment.  However, I strongly believe that VUCA is an internal phenomenon as well.  Now more than ever, we need to look at the volatility, uncertainty, complexity, and ambiguity of the organization’s internal organizational culture.  Hence, I* (Internal) VUCA.
Now is the time for leaders and teams to reflect and understand why they are responding either effectively or ineffectively, not only to VUCA, but especially to I*VUCA.  The current environment gives us a window of opportunity that allows us to quickly access and understand how we are responding to the different challenges that the organization is facing. Investing time to understand what is working and what isn’t is a gift that the unfolding events are giving us. We cannot risk going back to our default mode at the risk of becoming irrelevant.
We know that a strong culture is one of the most powerful tools that an organization can wield. It can also be a barrier when change is needed. In Satya Nadella’s words, “Culture is everything!” Are you doing the right things to drive the culture your organization needs to succeed in the I*VUCA world?

[1] https://www.forbes.com/sites/janicegassam/2020/05/06/how-your-company-can-drive-positive-culture-change-during-a-global-pandemic/#7ffd241129d0

Our world is changing faster than ever and with those changes, we need to learn to adapt quickly and intelligently.  Scenario planning 2.0, as my colleague Fran Cherny describes it in his recent webinar, is all about how fast we can read, listen, and integrate new information and adjust our plans quickly. But what exactly is the role of scenario planning 2.0 in execution excellence?

The role of scenario planning 2.0 in execution excellence

 
The Role of Scenario Planning 2.0 in Execution Excellence: Two people planning for the future
Ongoing reviews and adjustments are an essential part of execution and that’s where applying scenario planning 2.0 is most effective. To do so, we must first slow down enough to be able to smoothly read, listen, and integrate new information. Only then will we able to rapidly respond and adjust execution moving forward.
Traditional scenario planning is a crucial part of strategy and business planning. It helps us consider different options and possibilities, depending on the marketplace’s current situation. Traditional scenario planning is part of good business planning; key to a company’s plan to operationalize its strategy. However, scenario planning 2.0 is different. Learning how to implement it is an important skill that any great leader needs to practice in the pursuit of execution excellence during times of fast change and uncertainly.
Axialent’s approach to execution includes developing an execution infrastructure, as well as managing the ongoing implementation of work. Part five of the model below shows how execution is managed in an organization. It is during these implementation cycles that scenario planning 2.0 will have the greatest impact. Organizations must have meetings to discuss how to manage new information and make decisions with regards to what processes, mindsets, and behaviors need to change. Once these decisions have been made, leaders can adjust the areas of their execution plan that require attention and continue to review and improve them throughout the cycles. Here is a model that illustrates our approach:
The Role of Scenario Planning 2.0 in Execution Excellence: execution excellence model
 
 

The impact of new information

Reading, listening, and integrating new information as it arises can impact aspects of a business’s execution infrastructure. Most importantly, integrating new information can change in people’s mindsets and behaviors, and the processes that support collaboration. The two essential aspects of execution infrastructure that are most affected by these changes are people and process (seen in the model above). Making adjustments in response to these changes does not require stopping execution implementation. Instead, it highlights the areas that will most be impacted by new information, (i.e. people, process, and direction).
 

CONCLUSION

The role of scenario planning 2.0 in execution excellence is an important one. Although traditional scenario planning has been a core part of strategy and business planning, in the current conditions, scenario planning 2.0 is core to execution. By leveraging this practice and the components of execution infrastructure, we can quickly make adjustments to processes, mindsets, and behaviors. This, in turn, builds capability as business moves forward and makes directional changes.
 
To learn more about scenario planning 2.0 and how to run this powerful exercise with your team, watch the recording of Axialent’s live webinar or click here to speak with one of our representatives to learn more about our Execution Excellence offering.

When we are facing new, difficult circumstances that we’ve never faced before, it is often much harder to respond in a constructive way. Our reptile brain unconsciously chooses between two bad options: fight or flight. Although we know this intellectually, this doesn’t mean we can get ourselves out of the trap so easily, or support others to do so.
In the article I wrote with my colleague, Thierry De Beyssac, Survivor Syndrome: Overcoming Organizational Trauma in Times of Crisis, we talked about how leaders can to respond to the current challenges in a constructive way. One of these ways is asking people what they need to be at their best, inviting them to be players and to regain control of their situation.
Survivor Syndrome: Tapping into the Player Within. Image of two business women talking
When we are in a leadership position we must challenge ourselves, not only to maintain our center, but also to be at our best to help others around us. However, many times what we see, as Constanza Busto shared in her article Survivor Syndrome: Building Bridges, is that we believe we know what needs to be done and what’s best for the other person. We can’t believe they don’t see it when, for us, it is so clear. Often, while we are thinking that about others, others are thinking the same thing about us. So, how can we escape from this unhealthy loop? For starters, as Constanza suggested, we meet people where they are, with no judgement, just making their stories and situations true and reasonable. Before we make them wrong, try making them right.
Only once that step is done, once we empathize, are we ready for the next part of the conversation. It is time to “coach them out of victimhood,” to help them connect with the player mindset. This means empowering them to think for themselves, encouraging them in a gentle and kind way, and helping them discover their next best step (just one little step) toward a new trajectory.

How do we do this?

  1. Validate their story: Make them feel safe and understood. If we could put ourselves in their shoes, we would be feeling and thinking the same thing.
  2. Ask questions that empower:
    • Help them build a small, short-term vision: “If you had a magic wand, what would be happening now?”
    • Ask “What can you do about it?”: a) Based on what you have envisioned, what is in your control? What can you influence? Is there anything you can now do to start moving in that direction? b) Is there anything you can ask someone for? Do you need to make any requests?
  3. Listen without judgement: Becoming a sounding board, coming from a place of understanding and compassion, for what they feel they can and cannot do, will make a big difference.
  4. Moving from ideas to actions: Help them commit to one “baby step” and be of service.
    • What could be your next move that you commit to try? When will you try it?
    • Can I support you in any way for you to try this?

Tapping into the Player Within

Try to follow these simple steps and remember that it’s not just the questions you ask, but from which emotional state and with what intentions you do it. Make sure you prepare to be of service from a place of humility, care, and helping others. The goal is to accompany your employees to find their own way to be effective with the tasks ahead, to gain trust in you, and feel good about themselves in such difficult times.
Remember, when a person is not at their best, the question we need to ask ourselves as leaders is: how do I choose to respond to effectively support this person to move on and be at their best? Above all, keep in mind that this is not only my choice, but my opportunity to grow and develop as a leader.
————
In our next article, we will discuss how we can all create a brighter future together in the months ahead.

In Fran Cherny and Thierry De Beyssac’s article, Survivor Syndrome: Overcoming Organizational Trauma in Times of Crisis, they mention “meeting people where they are” as a way of helping your organization navigate this difficult time. What does it mean to “meet people where they are?” Why it is important?  
In life, we are all seeking experiences that make us feel good, loved, and give us a sense of belonging. We crave connection. The workplace, in any format, is not the exception. According to Forbes Magazine†, on average, we invest a little less than half our time at work in meetings, interacting with colleagues. There are plenty of opportunities to build connection and strong, trusting relationships, and yet, often we feel disconnected and sense a lack of belonging. 
Survivor Syndrome: Building Bridges and meeting people where they are. Two hands, one on either side of a pane of glass in a windowMoreover, during difficult times and crises in an organization, leaders tend to focus all their energy in trying to survive and keep the business going; learning to transform the business while running the business. Relationships are sometimes overlooked, and connection is postponed for “when the right time comes.”
In Axialent, we believe that what we do as leaders shapes our organizational culture and how we choose to respond during crisis is what makes the difference.  
Responding to the challenge in a constructive way and supporting people to be at their best will help organizations grow their power of adaptability and resilience: two things we all need desperately, now more than ever. 
 

Building connections and meeting people where they are is a step toward supporting people to be at their best

So, if “meeting people where they are” makes us feel loved and valued and can help us thrive, why do we often experience disconnection or misunderstandings instead? 
It turns out we can find it difficult to connect with others: 

  • It takes work and energy: Empathy is hard work. According to the American Psychological Association‡, people sometimes choose to avoid empathy because of mental effort it requires. 
  • It can be painful / uncomfortable to see people we love & care for suffer: We want to save people from suffering. We cannot “spare people from living the process.” The only way out is through.
  • We get frustrated and anxious for the time it takes to walk the journey: We sometimes feel that talking about what has happened is not the best investment of our time, and it’s frustrating. “Let’s go into solution mode NOW!”  
  • Knower Energy: We believe we know what needs to be done, what’s best for the other person and what needs to happen. “How can they not see it? It’s so clear!” 
  • Our own judgment: We experience disappointment when we feel that things or people are not being good enough. We put our own expectations on others. 
  • It’s challenging to look inward at ourselves to a place where we can connect and resonate with others’ pain and experiences. We are not always willing to do it.  

 

Building bridges

So, how can we increase our connection to build bridges and “meet people where they are?”

  • Self-connection: Be aware of your own stories and emotions toward the situation. Clarify your own intentions. How is this situation making me feel? What is the story I am telling myself? How would I like to help others? What would make me feel proud, despite the results?
  • Acceptance: Whatever it is, is enough. Let go of any expectations of how things should be or how people should react. We are all in our own journey and the time it takes for each of us to process what is happening is the time each of us need.
  • Hold the space for others: Be fully present with your energy, intention, and attention. Create a safe space for people to share their own stories, without fear of negative consequences. Let people know you are in this together.
  • See people with kind eyes: Tap into your empathy and compassion. We are all doing our best to deal with our own challenges. It’s ok to feel whatever each of us is feeling. Be at their service, assume good intent, and seek to understand others’ perspectives and beliefs with genuine curiosity.
  • Help people get unstuck: The way we see the problem is the problem. Challenge people’s beliefs by offering alternative perspectives and support them in creating new possibilities for their business, their relationships, and their lives.
  • Invite people to move forward: Create a compelling and inspiring vision for people to join you and reduce the exit barriers for people wanting to leave.
  • Be the change you want to see in the world: Lead your team by example by demonstrating the standards (behaviors) you would like to see in others.

 
Reaching out and offering our helping hands with the sole intention of supporting each other is the way we, at Axialent, choose to respond.
 
† “Just Say No: How Your Meeting Habit Is Harming You” Forbes.com, 8 August 2013
‡ “Empathy Often Avoided Because of Mental Effort” apa.org, 22 April 2019

In a recent article, my colleagues Fran Cherny and Thierry De Beyssac offered some thoughts on Survivor Syndrome; how the present challenges have the potential to create organizational trauma affecting all the dimensions of business and how to better cope with this. They offer in their article a list of actions to help and support your employees as we move through this time together. The first on the list being: “to put things on the table.” What does it mean to “put things on the table?” What can I do differently to help myself and others around me during this difficult time?
What does it mean to “put things on the table?”
The emotions that are triggered in us by a world in constant “VUCA Reloaded Mode” may put us in a place that oscillates between harmful repression and brutal explosion. Anger, for example, permeates openly or simmers under the surface. As we speak to colleagues, friends or family members, it can almost tele-transport itself across remote devices. I like to say that as long as the emotion “has you,” you have no choice. You will do whatever the emotion does, only to regret it later. You will say things that hurt others, make promises that are impossible to deliver… you name it.
I like to offer to my clients the following concept: “the only way out is through.” In order to put things on the table, you must enter a space of higher wisdom and compassion.
 

You do that by:

  1. Taking a few deep breaths of awareness: You separate yourself from the story. It becomes “you have the emotion,” rather than “the emotion has you.” You take perspective of your thoughts. The “I” (the person) that has the thought is NOT the thought. I feel angry, rather than I am angry.
  2. Accepting the emotion unconditionally: Realize that the emotion makes perfect sense, given the story you are telling yourself.
  3. Analyzing the story behind the emotion: Every emotion has an archetypal story. For example, anger or frustration has the story: “something bad is happening and it should not be happening.”
  4. Expressing your thoughts and ideas from a place of tentativeness and humility: As you engage in conversations with your colleagues or leaders about what is going on, you adopt the perspective of good intent from everyone. Even when you don’t understand what is going on, you assume that the people in charge of calling the shots have everyone’s interest at heart.
  5. Inquiring about the thoughts and ideas of others from a place of wanting to learn, of curiosity: The combination of 4 and 5 creates the conversational dance where any topic can be addressed or put on the table.

 

Put things on the table

Working through steps 1-3 are paramount if you would like to have a constructive conversation. Taking these steps will set the conditions for the kind of conversation you want to have. The promise is that you will be better able to understand each other. And then make better and informed decisions, for the good of the business, the team and yourself. Being able to address difficult topics in an open, caring and compassionate way is a powerful way to increase connection among your employees in these difficult times.

Quote from James Anthony Froude "You cannot dream yourself into a character,; you must forge and hammer yourself one." Never let a good crisis go to waste.
In the first post of this series, I shared an anecdote of how I once heard an executive in the US say “Never let a good crisis go to waste”. On the second post, we briefly explored some ideas about how the crisis and how we respond to it might have a long-lasting effect, with downstream effects impacting our character. In this post, I would like to share some thoughts on how a practice of empathy and gratitude can be a character-building ‘workout’.
As the pandemic continues to wreak havoc in our healthcare and economic systems at the macro-level, the downstream impacts it has on our lives are extremely varied. However, it is difficult to keep in mind the different impact ‘modalities’ it has. The conversations, articles, podcasts, news, etc. from the last weeks have gotten me thinking about the different realities people are experiencing – and it’s prompted me both to empathize more and be grateful for my own situation (still working on it!). We can look at some of these different realities through a large number of different ‘lenses’ or perspectives to help with the mental and emotional exercise. Let’s start with the lens of work situation by looking at a very very high level way of grouping different types of work circumstances many of us are facing right now.

Knowledge / remote workers

This is a segment of the population in many countries that has the great fortune of being able to continue their work from home. Some were already doing it before the crisis, but many people in several countries are now full-time remote workers, for the first time. Those who had not worked remotely before might be struggling with the basics: i.e. setting up a proper physical space, improving their setup to have proper internet connectivity (have you been on a videoconference recently where someone is struggling to get good wifi signal inside their house?), proper headset, etc. For some others, the challange might be not only the setup, but also the learning curve to work remotely: I’ve heard from many of our clients how they have struggled to teach their people how to work remotely overnight, with some even paying online courses to teach their workforce how to operate in this environment. There are some others who now struggle to manage a workforce which became a distributed one overnight.
On top of this we can layer other type of complications – a Wall Street firm HR Director recently shared with me a situation they are facing with their younger workers. Many of them might find themselves working out of a densely populated urban area in which they live with roommates in a small space (think NY or San Francisco, for example). In their small apartments, they might not even have a suitable space to camp out with their laptop and take a call, or said space is not enough to have all roommates trying to do it simultaneously. Others might find themselves locked in their house with their kids running around with no school – trying now to double not only as remote workers but as homeschool teachers. I have heard hundreds of variants of this type of situation, but even though it is undeniably disruptive and stressful, it is a great situation to be in, especially if we consider others.

Still with a job, risking it

There are many others who are fortunate enough to still have a job, but it can’t be performed remotely, and it needs to be performed. Thousands of healthcare workers (facing greater risks than anyone), bank branch employees, supermarket employees, essential service provider workers (water, electricity, internet) among many others. They not only have to deal with potentially having their kids at home, but to continue performing their job – and essentially doing it knowing that everyday that passes they risk contagion, with all the uncertainty that comes with it. “Will I get mild symptoms or end in the hospital? Can I pass it on to my kids and or older relatives living with us?” are thoughts we all might have, but I can only imagine the way they are amplified for those having to leave home everyday to go to work.

Now unemployed – and unprotected

Then we have millions who are now (or about to be) unemployed… and depending on which country they are in, and their situation, this can be a downward spiral with potential ramifications worse than the virus’ most common course. A startup CEO in Mexico recently told me “in my country, poverty will kill more people than the virus”. There are billions of people who live either under the poverty line, or who barely surpass it yet require income on a daily or weekly basis to survive. An interruption in income of a few days can mean they can’t pay rent or other essential expenses. Losing employment can mean they lose their medical insurance, whether private or public…

Other lenses

Sickness and death is yet another lens through which we can try to empathize. Both can touch us all – whether we live in the 1% strata or live in poverty, employed or unemployed, no one is immune to this. We’ve heard about infected (and recently dead) royals and celebrities all the way to the mass graves for the less fortunate ones.
There are additional, countless lenses through which we can try to empathize with others during these times: age (i.e. older people seem to have higher mortality rates), having access or not to testing and healthcare if needed, being able to take care of oneself even for basic chores like shopping, the political situation of where you live (those under totalitarian regimes might be on slippery slope to lose even more freedom), etc.
Whatever the lenses we choose to practice empathy, they can be helpful to get some understanding of what others are living during this crisis. If you are reading this, there is a very reasonable chance you are in one of the more fortunate situations: hopefully you have the financial means to weather this storm out, or you still have a job you can do remotely. If this is the case, remember, even if you are experiencing hardships, count your blessings: there are probably millions who would see your current situation as an answer to their prayers, if they could switch places with you today. Realizing that can help put things in perspective – and it’s one of many ways in which we can individually do our work to avoid letting this crisis go to waste.
 
First published in LinkedIn 

Marcus Aurelius quote "It can ruin your life only if it ruins your character. Otherwise, it cannot harm you - inside or out." Never let a good crisis go to waste: Part 2 - Who do you want to become? Crises as opportunities to (re)build our character.

Marcus Aurelius quote "It can ruin your life only if it ruins your character. Otherwise, it cannot harm you - inside or out." Never let a good crisis go to waste: Part 2 - Who do you want to become? Crises as opportunities to (re)build our character.
It can ruin your life only if it ruins your character. Otherwise it cannot harm you — inside or out. Marcus Aurelius
One of the most tangible aspects of a crisis like the one we are living is the material damage it causes: sickness, death, lost jobs, etc. There is, however, a less tangible but also very important dimension: the net balance a crisis has on our character as individuals, and the overall impact on society as a whole stemming from this.
Many phrases such as ‘adversity reveals character’, or variants of it, seem to indicate that a crisis will bring out who we truly are – and in many cases this won’t be a pretty sight. For example, in the current SARS-CoV-2 pandemic we can find dozens of stories of people who are taking advantage of the situation for their own benefit.
The flip side to this is seeing others rise to the occasion. Every tragedy brings its host of heroes, even if most of them remain unknown. Think of the first responders during 9/11, firefighters and others helping people out of crumbled buildings during an earthquake, rescue personnel saving people during floods – or, right now, thousands of healthcare workers, law enforcement personnel, food supply chain workers and countless others who are risking their lives for others.

The opportunities

We see responses ranging from the vile to the heroic and everything in between. This, however, does not prove that the type of responses we see is an inevitable result of a crisis ‘revealing the true colors of individuals’. Even under the most dire of circumstances, we all still have a choice. In other words, critical situations highly correlate with individuals showing more of who they are, but it does not invariably cause it. This might seem like word play from someone with nothing better to do than playing semantics, yet the implications are deeply profound.
Circumstances do not force me into acting one way or another (for better or worse) – I still have a choice. And what I choose has an impact on my character, every single time. Given that crises confront us with an abnormally high number of choices to make every day, we are basically on an accelerated path to build or destroy our character – and we do not have the option of choosing not to be on this path. Either by action or inaction we are doing something to our character. We are much better off by becoming aware of this and improving our choices every day.
Let’s look at this at different levels to illustrate:

At a personal level

A crisis is a perfect (and unavoidable) daily practice of how we react in the face of stress. It is an emotional gym that gives us the opportunity to ‘put in our reps’ every day. Pandemic panic shopping is making it increasingly hard to find vital supplies? This is a text-book definition of a situation to be legitimately stressed about: it can kickstart a downward spiral of fear, horror, self-pity, anger.
It’s also an opportunity to practice how to refocus my mind on what I can control and operate in that space, as limited as it might be: first rep of the day. Kids running around the house with no school – while trying to take a conference call? Check, that is very stressing – how am I going to respond to this? Second rep of the day. Sales projections are down? Third rep of the day: practice how I will manage my stress. You get the picture.
The difference with a physical gym is that here we don’t have the alternative to skip it: we are in it, and we will be putting in our reps. They can be reps in which we practice how to get more stressed, angrier, fearful… or they can be reps in which we try to give the best response we humanly can to every prompt. Every choice we make to every one of these prompts, every one of our responses, is a character building block.

At a relationship and / or family level

The lockdown half of the world is currently experiencing has resulted, amongst other things, in an impact to our relationships and / or family life. Young couples who are now living together out of necessity. Families with several generations living under the same roof while weathering out the situation. Couples in the process of getting divorced having to share the same living space, as their separation proceedings slow down or are temporarily halted. Death of loved ones. Families losing the income of one or both parents. Kids homeschooling putting an additional strain on family dynamics. Many of these scenarios can be stressing, depressing, anxiety-inducing, or worse.
If your specific current set of circumstances has made your life more complicated, how are you responding to it? Note that the question is responding to it, not how did you respond to it? This means that you have responded to it, you are still doing it, and more likely you will keep on doing it for the days and weeks and maybe months ahead. Is there a way to respond to it better? Can you address the content of the challenge (tension, grief, whatever it might be) with a better grip on your emotional response? Can you recognize the emotion in the situation, acknowledge it, but not be controlled by it?
The harder our circumstances, the harder choosing to respond to them in a constructive way can be – yet, like most other things in life, practice helps. And every day we have the opportunity to practice a better response. That practice is a way to improve our character. We’re already at the gym: might as well put in the work to come out of this stronger.

Never let a good crisis go to waste

This brings us back to the beginning. Crises bring about painful, tangible consequences. Thousands of us will not survive this pandemic – yet most will. The tragedy and grief that we have and will have for those dying is here and will be here. Let us not add to this tragedy by also losing vast amounts of human quality with the survivors’ characters deterioritating. Instead, let’s honor the departed by becoming a better version of ourselves for now and the times to come.