Victim vs. Player Mindset

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Where we focus our attention when things go wrong can keep us stuck or empower us. Blaming others or circumstances, we focus on factors outside our control, gives innocence but leaves us powerless. Concentrating on our own behavior and our ability to respond in the face of the situation, focusing on factors within our control, provides us with the power to improve the situation.

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At Axialent, we hold that where we focus our attention when things go wrong can keep us stuck or empower us. Blaming others or circumstances, we focus on factors outside our control, gives innocence but leaves us powerless. This is what we call the victim mindset. Concentrating on our own behavior and our ability to respond in the face of the situation, focusing on factors within our control, provides us with the power to improve the situation. It can also be scary having power, in this case being empowered, usually is. This is what we call the player mindset. Sometimes our unconscious language keeps us stuck. It might even prevent us from growing.

Remember when you were little and you told your parents that the toy broke, or that he did it? Those explanations tranquilize and soothe us. It is completely human of us to crave this innocence. By becoming response-able, able to respond in the face of, we remember that we always have a choice about how we respond. Response-able in the face of a challenge, but are not necessarily responsible for. For example, the weather. Focusing on factors inside our control in relation to the size of the external challenge can increase our ability to respond by learning how to respond in a new way and/or decrease the size of the external challenge. We are so used to using victim statements that sometimes we no longer recognize them.

Does any of this sound familiar to you? What happened to you? Who’s to blame for hurting you? Why do you think they did it to you? What should they have done instead of what they did? What should they do now to repair the damage? What punishment do they deserve for doing it? For some of us, this may even sound supportive. Turning these statements around demands hard work and consciousness. Notice the impact of what these questions might offer. What challenge did you face? What response did you choose? Could you have responded more effectively with more dignity? Could you have prepared better to mitigate the risks? What would you ideally like to have happened? Is there something you can do now to improve the situation? What can you learn from this?

 

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